


Attention Seeker

by Emilia0001



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Cute, Drama, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 15:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6811792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilia0001/pseuds/Emilia0001
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe he had been for a long time after all. It wasn't that he had lost his ability to see and had been insane his entire life, but maybe there was some truth behind all those adults' words? Now he's been causing problems again. Natsume didn't wanna admit it - at first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attention Seeker

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! First and foremost, sorry for the strange structure of some scentences and incorrect grammar. English is not my native tongue, so please try to bear with me. Second, forgive me for my somewhat confusing writing style. It's become so frequent it's unavoidable, so I've just decided to dub it to one of my quirks. Meh, some uniqueness is always good, right? Cx Please enjoy, and if you don't, respectfully tell me why! I want to improve, so negative criticism is a good thing as well! :)

Takashi stared at his own reflection through the eyes of the older one before him, and for a second he couldn't help but to feel a tingle of disgust. It wasn't about his own appearance or looks but the cold ones the teacher sent him and that made him feel ashamed of himself. He released the gaze and went back to staring at the secure grip of the thighs of his trousers that made his knuckles pale and fingertips gain in colour in contrast. He twitched when the teacher finally spoke up, in a very strict tone at that.

" Natsume, speak. I don't have the entire afternoon. Answer my questions. ", while slamming his hand into the office desk, making a heap of papers slide down along with two traditional lead pencils that scattered among Takashi's feet, he loosened the tie around his neck like it was a python that might just make him his pray. It was a great weather after all, a good 25 degrees Celsius in the shade and no breeze to speak of beside the table fan in the corner.

" I'll ask again, why did you break those three windows on the second floor? If you answer I won't call your parents. "

" They're not my parents ", Takashi noted, sinking even deeper into his chair.

" Right, sorry, force of habit ", a pause. " So? Go on, and maybe I won't call your guardians. "

Takashi swallowed harshly. He was never good with lying, anyway. " It's not the first time", Takashi mumbled, grabbing his wrists as if they would create walls between the two of them.

" Hmm? " He could hear the wheels of the teachers chair roll about as he got closer, attention on max. " What do you mean, boy? Why? "

" I got kicked out of another school for it. " Takashi swallowed. It was all or nothing. " Because I could. Maybe then, they'd notice something was wrong ", He said with a small, ironical chuckle that left a bitter taste on his tongue. They were only half lies, of course. Only half lies.

He could hear his teacher swallow and grab at the arm rest. " And? Did it work? "

" Not in the slightest. " Takashi chuckled again. It was something so unlike him.

" I see. Well, your guardians will have to pay for the windows, then. I'll have to call them. "

Takashi shot up from his chair so violently it fell over behind him. He grabbed at the teacher's sleeves and shook him in clean desperation . " Don't! Anything, I'll do anything! I'll clean the entire school, sort documents for an entire year or something! Just don't call the Fujiwara's, they'll send me away again! " Wait, What? Did he really mean that? He had said that without thinking. Why did he? It was as if he was running on autopilot. Was he really afraid of that? Maybe he was. Old habits don't change easy, after all. His words and actions were very contradicting, as well. He stared pleadingly at the teacher, who seemed taken aback by Takashi's sudden outburst.

" Sorry, pal. Rules are rules. I'll let you skip writing an apology letter, and I won't suspend you for some measly windows, but I have to call your guardians and they'll have to pay if it wasn't a complete accident. Which it wasn't. " He pushed Takashi away from him. " Now, head home."

Takashi gulped and made his way towards the stairs. He had been stupid. He should've just lied and said someone bumped into him and the windows broke. But then again, it was three windows. There was no good lie to pull. News and rumours would be circling all over the school by tomorrow, he bet. He could feel the tears well up in the eye as he dragged his feet behind him down the stairs. Not only would he stand out because of the incident and the Fujiwara's would find, but the teacher hadn't raised a brow when he said he did it to alarm someone that something was wrong. It was as if the teacher purposefully was trying to avoid a pupil's - his - plead for help. Just the thought was a punch to the stomach. He looked up, and saw the lanky figure of a dark haired boy, just at the moment when Takashi's tears to well over.

It was Tanuma, and Takash wanted to hide. He was crying pathetically, and he defiantly did not want Tanuma to see him in such a poor state.

" Natsume, I was waiting for ... you ", He paused for a moment when his gaze landed on Takashi's face. Then he walked to meet Takashi half way, who had stopped midway at the sight of his friend. " What's wrong? " Takashi took a deep breath and ducked under Tanuma's outstretched arm, quickly and nonchalantly put on his shoes and pushed the door open. He had already managed to get past the front gate by the time Tanuma caught up with him.

" Hey, slow down! You are making me worried! ", Takashi halted immediately as he registered the words, and Tanuma grabbed his arm for good measure. Tears still burned in Takashi's eyes and poured over.

" I already heard what happened with the windows. Did someone say something to you? " Takashi stubbornly dug his heel into the ground and stared intently at some dust on his shoe. " You just talked to the teacher, right? Did he get mad? "

" It's not about that ", Natsume answered. " Then wha- "

" I don't know! " _Pause_ " I don't know ... ", he let himself lean his forehead against Tanuma's offered shoulder.

" Then what can I do for you? Tanuma whispered calmly in an attempt to soothe him .

" I wanna' talk, but I never find the moment and I wanna' vent but I never find the words ", He mumbled, cliché as it sounded, but it was the truth. it felt as if it was a long time since he'd be able to speak some. " I don't want to lie all the time. "

" Then talk. I've wanted the truth from the beginning. You can talk to me. I want you to. "

" Then ... "

" Hmm? "

" I tried to ..." Takashi choked up for a moment.

" Yeah? "

" Ki - Off myself, once. " Takashi couldn't say the exact words, but those were good enough. He stood silently, waiting for an reaction from Tanuma like waiting for the confirmation of someone saying he had either pest or cholera. Time stood still, and dreaded the moment when Tanuma would shove him away like he had a catchable disease. Instead, he felt two arms wrap around him, trapping his own arms and torso in them. Takashi sunk down and leaned fully against Tanuma, who now sat leaning against the wall. He rubbed Takashi's back and hushed him as Takashi cried and said nothing but one word: " Sorry. "

Takashi started to calm down, he stopped sobbing and breathed hot air on Tanuma's neck.

" Thanks for telling me. "

" Mmm "

" Does anybody know this? ", Tanuma asked.

_Shake_

" When did you try? "

" When I was fourteen. I had just changed schools, after getting suspended for breaking some windows. " Takashi mumbled.

" And today you broke some windows too. "

" Yeah. "

" Youkai? "

" Yeah. "

" Dangerous? "

" No. "

" What kind of youkai? "

"The kind that even I can't see ."

A long pause brew in the air as Tanuma let those obscure words sink in and Natsume soon got enough of it. He did the most impulsive thing today - more so than the windows or his confession about the suicide attempt. - He kissed Tanuma. He let himself be swept away with the moment and locked his sun chapped lips with the boy who had comforted him without any words needed. His best friend, a _guy_. If Tanuma would break the kiss, so be it. As if he hadn't been reckless enough.

But Tanuma kissed him back, first with hesitant suprise, but then with some sort of skipping joy of tacktless motions that were so like Tanuma. Out of synch, rushed and almost childish movements, followed by teasing nibbling on his bottom lip and finally the slick movements of his tongue as it leapt inside Takahi's mouth. But he didn't mind, because Tanuma was giving it his all, trying to convey everything without the words neither could speak. It was Tanuma, and he loved him.

He had been starving for the attention for his whole life, and longing for the affection he was now given and could give.

 

_It was a better cure for that crave than any stranger's anger could ever be._


End file.
